ceceeeenguyen

"Burn the memories.."

Sun, 25 Apr 2010 23:16:42 -0400

“Burn the memories..”

If only you knew..

Fri, 09 Apr 2010 20:35:00 -0400

Growing up these past 17 years I have come to many realizations. I know you may laugh at my self belief that I am capable of making my own decisions. However, since I have nothing else better to do with my time right now I might as well play a calming melody with my keyboard. First off I realize that you will never love me the way I want you to. As far as my memories can take me, I have never really considered myself close to you. You always tend to counter my neglected thoughts by shoveling your defenses down my throat. You never listen. I apologize for not being the daughter your able to brag to your friends about. I’m sorry I’m not a goody two shoe, straight A student. I choose not to live my life by the book nor will I try to live my life to fulfill your expectations. I will never understand your acts of “discipline”. Yelling, cursing, threats, verbal, and physical abuse. You believe that through your tough discipline that you were able to mold me into a better person. Through all the shit you’ve said and done to me you still miracously believe that it will shape me into a decent child. But you are absolutely wrong. Your “discipline” only sparked me to hold a grudge against you. You made me suppress my once inner child to only grow cold hearted and into a thick faced girl. Some may argue and say love can be tough, but I don’t think it should ever hurt, well at least not like that.. I will never love you the way you want me to. I am detached from you completely. With age 18 coming up pretty soon I only see us growing further apart. I will never regret building a wall and carrying a grudge in my heart for you. Unfortunately whatever the future has in store for me, no matter what, nothing will change this strained, passionate feeling of hate I have towards you..

How cute is this?! Haha my favorite movie :D

Sat, 27 Mar 2010 11:00:17 -0400

How cute is this?! Haha my favorite movie :D

Busy Day!

Sat, 27 Mar 2010 10:58:46 -0400

Its 7:30 in the morning and everyone in my house is still completely knocked out. Just by the sun beginning to peak through the clouds I can forshadow that today is going to be a wonderful day. I am all filled up with joy and excitement. Piles of things to do today. I’ve never felt so preoccupied in my life!

Company

Mon, 22 Mar 2010 01:28:00 -0400

It’s been a really lame day. The sun has fallen through the clouds and there is a cool breeze in the air. I felt like a wall flower today. I always felt that when I talk people hear me, but they don’t listen. Maybe I am just swimming in melancholy. I try fill in this void of emptiness and filling it with stuff to keep me busy, so I did a load of things today. But as I leave each busy scenario I still find myself driving back home alone in the same gloomy state of mind. Maybe it is the weather. In all honesty I just miss that sense of security and reliablity that you can find in a significant amount of people. I find it almost pathetic in itself that in my junior year I have only developed an emotional attachment to a small handful of friends. I can really can count the number on my fingers, one hand I might add. I just feel that in any given relationship, family, friends, boys, etc., that you need that sense of BOTH wanting and needing each other. It cannot be a one-sided effort for company. I have just felt that lately my company is not needed nor desired. And perhaps my efforts in filling this void of loneliness with others is futile.. Goodnight world D:

Secrets don't make friends..

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 12:55:32 -0400

I believe that it’s quite apparent that I can no longer trust you. Let’s not point fingers. The more I spend my time trying to pull you closer, the more you start to push me away. You know downright exactly what Im talking about. It’s not necessary for a person to be sober to understand this logical concept. If you weren’t doing anything wrong there would be no need for you to hide these “little things”, if they are even “little”. However, if it’s not all that simple, do me a favor and stop wasting my time. I am currently carrying a heavy burden on my shoulders and I strongly stand by the fact that I don’t need anymore BS.

"Trust no man, fear no bitch.."

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 12:32:00 -0400

“Trust no man, fear no bitch..”

Audio

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 02:32:00 -0400

Black, white, or gray..?

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 02:26:00 -0400

I often ask myself if I’m making the right decisions. I never saw my life turning out like this. I always tried doing the right thing. But I am constantly shadowed with the fear of the consequences of my actions. What if i regret it in the end? Therefore I always try to step aside, attempt to be patient, and let things fall into place. However I dont want to be a doormat and let life beat me down. Is it time for me to pick myself of and move on? They say, all the things we accept be the things we regret. Sometimes I wonder if anything is ever absolute anymore. Is there still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies? Or is everything negotiable, left to interpretation and balance. Black, white, or GRAY? D:

Procastination kills.

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 18:31:00 -0400

As the clock clicks closer to the stroke of midnight, I choose to yet again neglect my studies and begin to procastinate. Most likely, tonight, I’ll pull well-too-common an all nighter. I do not even understand why I abuse myself and neglect my body, the beauty rest, or at least the 8 hours it deserves. I’ve come to the decision that im gonna start exercising my freedom of speech within this blog. Several of events have occured over the past week or so that have seemed somewhat “blog-worthy”, but between the time span of the event and til I reach my computer, the inspiration evaporates in thin air. Despite that, I’ve been lacking in creative juices from my head that has the fluid stream to travel down to my finger tips on to the keyboard. Well, I did not choose to blog over my homework for nothing. I am going to dig deep and try to blog about something that has been clouding my mind like a poisonious bubble that is suffocating me and slowly consuming me to further insanity. Ok, perhaps insanity was a stretch. But this certain thing has and probably always will have a secure place in my heart and brain.. Continue blog later. “Kthxbai”

tumblr is my new escape..

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 00:48:00 -0400

tumblr is my new escape..

What you would not do, do for love..

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 00:44:00 -0400

Its quite amazing how I came upon to this. Scribbling my thoughts into this blank text box. Anyways, for these past few weeks I’ve immersed myself in self pity and self loathing. Pathetic right? I’ve been so downright stressed out fustrated that honestly I dont even know where to begin. I’ve been trying to preoccupy myself in other things to avoid the pending truth about my future. Just when I thought things were gonna get easier, it all went downhill. So, I’ve been dealing with bullshit drama.. Bullshit drama as in shit I shouldnt be putting up with, shit I wouldnt be putting up with, if it werent for love. Im not doing as well as I hoped, especially in school. I’ve grown to be quite frankly.. lazy. I think its time for change. I need to put my guidance and savior, God, back into my life. Second, I need to focus on school and stop being such a procastinator. Third, figure something out to do with.. (something not worth mentioning). Fourth, get a damn job. Lastly, not regretting anything I do from this day forward.

“Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side as long as you are true to the best that is in you.”

Hmm, I feel like a total noob. I totally just spent half my life trying to figure out this whole...

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 01:53:00 -0400

Hmm, I feel like a total noob. I totally just spent half my life trying to figure out this whole tumblr craze. Maybe it’ll be beneficial, somewhere to ventilate. Let’s start tomorrow..

"Love grows where trust is laid. Love is destroyed where trust is betrayed."

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 01:35:49 -0400

“Love grows where trust is laid. Love is destroyed where trust is betrayed.”